Four years ago, when I originally got my acceptance letter into UC Santa Cruz I was filled with a mixed bag of emotions. I had already been rejected or waitlisted from most other UCs. On one hand I was relieved, since UC Santa Cruz was the best school that I had gotten into. But on the other hand, I was disappointed. I had higher expectations of myself. Looking around I saw fellow peers get into ‘better’ schools, even though in some cases I felt that I was just as a good a candidate for admission. I was angry, but at the same time I was humbled. I felt that I deserved better, but in hindsight given my actual body of work in high school I doubt I had actually earned it. I used this pain as a chip on my shoulder. I had to prove to myself and every other college that rejected me that I am truly as good as a candidate as thought I was. And to me the best way for validation was to get into a top tier tech company.
This way of thinking without a doubt, kept me focused on my goal. It kept me very disciplined. I would try to commit an hour a day, when I would either apply to jobs, or build out my resume. I would often even sacrifice a social life, so that I can try to outwork my peers. Ultimately, this way of thinking worked for me. I was able to accomplish my long term goal of getting into a top tech company, even if it took 3 full years.
However, as soon as I got the offer, I found myself in a weird position. I was extremely happy and grateful about the offer, but I also felt a bit of a void. I got what I wanted by being motivated by a chip on my shoulder to prove colleges who said no to me wrong. I had no idea what comes next, and still to a certain extent have no clue. But what I do know is that it is very difficult for me to be motivated by a chip on shoulder to prove people wrong at this point after reaching my goal. I proved to myself that I can truly compete with anyone if I work hard enough. Now I must move on to the next chapter. My goals and ambitions are changing, and the path to these goals is going to be different.
As of right now, I don’t think I have a singular motivation or goal as I may have had in the past, instead I’m motivated by several different things. In my last year of college, I want to go out and try a lot of new things that I wished I had tried during the past 3 years of college. I also want to be able to give back to my family, who have given me so much over the course of my life. Lastly, although I’m still very very early in my career, I want to try to give back and share my experiences out of hope that they might help someone just starting out their career.
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Prabh
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